Yes, they are cold and get sweeter as they melt. But they are also messy.
My theory is this: Kids love icy poles because they last so long. A tiny icy pole can last most of recess, if managed correctly. Other snacks are gone in a couple of seconds.
We all get angry. When we are ignored or disobeyed by our kids, we feel under-appreciated and over-worked and it begins to wear on us. And then we get angry. We become ‘mad as a hornet’, ‘barking mad’, ‘hopping mad’, ‘boiling mad’… Nobody ever says, “I’m as mad as an icy pole.” Why? Because icy poles are cool, long-lasting and sweet.
Before it entered a child’s grasp, every icy pole spent a long time in the freezer. Likewise, if we want to be icy pole parents, we need to spend some time – before the fact – getting ready for the angry times that will inevitably come our way.
Here are some tips for being an icy pole parent.
Get off the Maddercycle – I get mad at my child. That makes me mad at myself. Now I’m madder at my child for making me mad at myself. I hate being mad. So, now I’m madder because I got mad. I don’t want to ride this beast anymore! Break the cycle by recognising it and getting off.
Embrace your Emotions – When you feel something, you can change it. Emotion creates desire. That’s its purpose. Listen to your emotions and ask yourself, “What do I want to change?” Then create a strategy to make the change.
Give ME a Break – Two meanings here: First, stop picking on yourself. We all make mistakes. Leave them in the past and move forward away from them. Second, go do something you love. Go for a walk, meet a friend for coffee, create something. Take a break just for ME.
Heal your Hurts – We all have unresolved anger from our present and past. Parenting will bring these things up and out. When they emerge, don’t push them back under. Face and fix them.
Prepare and Prevent – There are some situations that always make you boil. If you cannot send someone else, plan some strategies. Change the situation by mixing things up: What will you add or subtract? Create an exit strategy: How can you cut it short? Have a support person: Who can you ask for support? If you must go in, go in prepared.
Communicate – We are not meant to do life alone. We are born into community and we get stronger as our communities grow. Without communication there is no community. Using our words to share our emotions builds relationships and resilience. The best way to teach this to our children is to model it. Talk about everything. Talk about feelings. Talk about joys and hardships. Talking makes us human.
So, before you get angry, choose a new metaphor – “I’m as mad as an icy pole.” You might always be a bit messy, but with preparation, you’ll stay cool no matter how hot the day gets and grow sweeter with time.
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For more parenting pondering,
see the "Parently" section of this blog.